Defining Moments
by Katchoo91
Summary: Sirius is standing in the doorway. It's dark, but he can still see the silhouette of Remus against the white bedsheets. His breath is calm, nearly inaudible, and almost makes the darkness feel safe.


I hope a you like this, feel free to leave a comment, even if it's just to tell me I made a grammar mistake.

SB/RL is probably my OTP, even though that's a term I'm not very keen on using, so I thought it was time writing something about these guys. I don't know if I'll continue it yet, not even sure anyone is going to read this. We'll see. Enjoy!

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Sirius is standing in the doorway. It's dark, but he can still see the silhouette of Remus against the white bedsheets. His breath is calm, nearly inaudible, and almost makes the darkness feel safe. No moist walls, no fear, no dread hanging over hearts and minds.

Sirius takes a deep breath, inhaling slowly through his nose. Tea, dust, books and sweat. Remus. His breath shakes, like a man about to burst into tears, but it's gone in seconds and again the only sound is Remus' steady, calm breath.

He takes two steps into the room and pauses, before he speaks. "Remus."

It's nearly just a whisper, but the covers on the bed almost instantly starts moving slowly around. He moves forward again, and careful as not to startle his friend, sits down on the bed.

"Remus."

Remus is awake. He tries to sit up, squinting in the darkness.

"Sirius.." He mumbles something incomprehensible, still half asleep. "Has something happened?"

"Can I sleep here?"

"What?"

Sirius is silent for a while before he speaks again. "Can I.. sleep here, tonight?"

The silence is back again, this time complete. Remus tries to make out Sirius' face in the darkness, but his mind is still clouded from dreams and Sirius' eyes just looks like black holes.

"I don't think that's a good idea." He mumbles back. He doesn't know what else to say, suddenly his heart is racing, thundering in his chest.

"Please.. I can't.." Sirius whisper, trying to get the shaking in his voice under control again. "I cant sleep. It's not.. it's.. azkaban.."

"Oh."

Silence again.

Sirius moves his hand forward and grabs Remus' wrist. His touch is not soft like it used to be, it's hard and strong and reminds Remus of bark.

Remus doesn't want to say anything, he suddenly feels scared and he only manages to nod his head once.

Then Sirius moves, slowly, determined and surpisingly elegant, he lets go of Remus and rolls on his back onto the bed, next to his friend. He closes his eyes.

The bed is too small and Remus moves closer in to the wall.

"Where's you quilt?"

"I'll use yours."

Remus doesn't answer right away, he still doesn't know what to say.

"Sirius," he then starts slowly. "Hogwarts was a long time ago and-" but Sirius interrupts him before he can even get started properly.

"Shut up." He open his eyes, staring at the ceiling like it's a deadly archenemy or Severus Snape. "I get nightmares, I can't sleep. It's nothing more."

"Then why didn't you take your quilt with you?" Remus' voice is a whisper now. Sirius rolls onto his right, smirking at the werewolf with a disdainful look in his eyes.

"Are you afraid of me?"

"No."

"Then go to sleep."

Remus hesitates. Then he lies down. He struggles to try and lie on his back but the single bed isn't wide enough. He groans silently as he finally finds a place kind of comfortable, on his side, with the cold wall against his back. He lift his eyes only to be met by Sirius' gaze and quickly closes them.

"Goodnight."

And it's only been seconds before he feels it. Sirius moving closer, lifting the covers of the thin duvet and crawling in.

He tries to keep his eyes closed, pressing himself closer to the wall behind him. Then he feel Sirius hand on his and without thinking he open his eyes, staring directly into Sirius' only a few inches away. He can feel his warm breath on his cheeks.

The hand on his hand. Slowly moving upwards his arm now, carressing and exploring. He reaches the shoulder where he stops for a while, lingerering on Remus' neck.

"Sirius, please.." Remus forces out. But he can't finish the sentence, his tounge won't move anymore.

Sirius' hand moves down now, slowly touching shoulder, chest, waist, hips, carefully with each finger. Remus can't help it, he sighs. A short sound, shaking and hard. And it's enough. Enough for Sirius to know he can't be stopped now. He almost leaps, rolling Remus on his back while pulling him closer and kneels over him. With a hand on each side of his head he looks down at Remus who just stares back, silent, with an almost petrified look in his eyes.

Sirius want to say a thousand things, not to say anything, just to be closer. But he can't think of anything, se he just kisses him. Hard and passionate. He can feel Remus squirming under him, trying to get away. Sirius grabs his wrists, won't let go now, not ever. He want the warmth. Remus is shouting now, inside his mouth. Hard and angry but Sirius can't hear it, only the blood throbbing in his ears.

Sirius lifts Remus' hands over his head,and with his right hand as a claw, hold them together. His left hand shoots downard, where it linger on Remus' hips for seconds before it finds the pantsline and creeps inside.

Remus bites Sirius lip. Hard. Sirius jumps backwards, letting go of Remus and cluthing his hands to his mouth as he fall. He lets out an angry yell before he falls off the bed. Remus is up already, in two long sprints at the outlet where he turns on the light.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?" he yells, his mind filled with red rage.

Sirius tries to get a grip on himself, sits up on the floor, examining his hand that's been spotted with blood from his lip.

Remus wants to shout something, but he don't know what. He just tries to catch his breath as he stares at Sirius who just looks confused, like it's only now dawning on him what happened. Then he starts to cry. It sounds weird and unusual. An undefined sound, like it's the first time Sirius have ever cried. It builds up, starting slowly and almost comically in big sobs. Then the tears come and the sound changes, to something like a hurt animal, like someone letting everything from a lifetime out at once. It's a scream, full of fear and misery and anger.

Remus isn't angry anymore, he's afraid. He don't know what to do.

Sirius is screaming, his eyes closed, his face distorted in pain. His hands grabbing his ears now, like he's trying to block everything out, getting tangled up in his long black hair.


End file.
